Parenting Infants to Age Six

Introduction

This class is focused on “The Discipline of the Lord,” which is taken from Ephesians 6:4:

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

A companion to Daniel’s talk on March 12 on “Instruction of the Lord” (focused on parenting from 6 to 12 years). Teaching obedience is the primary focus for these early years.

The major goal for parenting these early years is foundation laying:

Their relationship with God,
Their relationships with other people,
Their development (spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically), and
Their understanding of this beautiful but fallen world.

Aspects of the early years:

Dramatic changes
Changes are paradoxical: mundane and amazing
Physically taxing (sleep deprivation, tending to physical needs)
A danger: succumbing to tedium when the tasks are repetitious
Another danger: searching for a formula instead of understanding and building the relationship
Lots of joy, laughter, and wonder!

I. Discipline — The Bible’s Model and Methodology

How do you react when you hear the word “discipline,” especially in the context of parenting?

Discipline, Biblically understood and practiced, is inseparable from love. It is a fundamental and necessary expression of deep love.

The Biblical model

Authority	-->	Command	-->	Discipline	-->	Effect
		(obedience expected)		(if command is not obeyed)

“Discipline” is different from “judgment” in both the Old and New Testaments:

Discipline

Judgment

“To discipline” is to chasten, admonish, teach, instruct, chastise, correct, and punish.

Purpose: to turn the person away from that which is evil, foolish, and harmful, and to turn them towards that which is good, holy, wise, and beneficial. It is active, purposeful, and continual.

Judgment is the expression of God’s righteous wrath towards evil.

It is just and terrible, and there is finality to it in that the wrath of God is only satisfied in the judgment of God.

Thus, discipline = training --> Therefore, disciplining our children = child training

The main idea undergirding “discipline” is to teach, to help form your child’s inclinations, loves, desires, and understanding so that they learn to love God and His ways, they learn to love people, and they learn how to live well in the world. And these early years are when a foundation is laid for these things.

Blessings of obedience; punishment for disobedience

In Leviticus 26, the Lord tells the people of Israel the blessings of obedience and the punishment for disobedience, and He warns them that He will discipline them if they disobey[1]:

Leviticus 26:18–19

¹⁸And if in spite of this you will not listen to me, then I will discipline you again sevenfold for your sins, ¹⁹and I will break the pride of your power, and I will make your heavens like iron and your earth like bronze.

The Lord’s discipline is for those whom He loves.

Proverbs 3:11–12 says:

¹¹My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of his reproof,
¹²for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.

These verses from Proverbs 3 are quoted in Hebrews 12 in an extended discussion connecting the Lord’s discipline with His love for His children.

And Deuteronomy 8:5 says “Know then in your heart that, as a man disciplines his son, the Lord your God disciplines you.”

(The Appendix has a list of more Bible passages about this.)

Key idea: The Bible teaches that the discipline of the Lord is out of His love for His children. Its purposes are to demonstrate His righteousness and to turn the hearts of the disciplined back to Him.

God’s discipline is the model for parental discipline.

When it speaks of fathers and mothers caring for their children, the Bible presents the same connection between Authority, Commands (and a proper expectation of obedience), Discipline (when obedience is lacking), and Effects of this discipline.

Authority:

Parents have authority delegated by God, and
Their children should honor them, appropriately submitting to them.

(The Appendix includes Bible verses about parental authority.)

Aspects of parents’ delegated authority:

Representative — Parents are to act and love as God does.
Accountable — Parents will give an account to God for their actions and whether they obeyed Him.
Delegated by God — Therefore, parents should not be afraid to act with authority. Spirit-empowered exercising of authority honors God and communicates love and comfort to our children. The right answer to abuses of authority is obedient exercising of authority.

The Biblical method

Ephesians 6:4: “[B]ring them up in the discipline and instructionof the Lord.”

The Bible also says a lot about instruction—what we should say and how we should say it[2]—but our focus here is on discipline.

Key verses (the book of Proverbs is especially helpful):

Proverbs 5:22–23

²²The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him, and he is held fast in the cords of his sin.
²³He dies for lack of discipline, and because of his great folly he is led astray.

Proverbs 6:22–24

²²When you walk, they will lead you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk with you.
²³For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light, and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life,
²⁴to preserve you from the evil woman, from the smooth tongue of the adulteress.

Proverbs 13:24

Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

Proverbs 19:18

Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death.

Proverbs 22:15

Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

Proverbs 23:12–18

¹²Apply your heart to instruction and your ear to words of knowledge.
¹³Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.
¹⁴If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol.
¹⁵My son, if your heart is wise, my heart too will be glad.
¹⁶My inmost being will exult when your lips speak what is right.
¹⁷Let not your heart envy sinners, but continue in the fear of the Lord all the day.
¹⁸Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off.

Proverbs 29:15

The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

Proverbs 29:17

Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.

Observations:

Disciplining our children is necessary. Left to themselves, our children have folly in their hearts, and that foolishness will cause them to be led astray to evil and the way of death, bringing shame upon us in the process.
Disciplining our children is loving them.Not disciplining our children is hating them and setting our hearts on putting them to death.
It requires diligence to discipline our children. It is tiring and difficult to care for our children, so sloth is a major temptation when it comes to disciplining. But discipline as God commands must be timely, consistent, faithful, frequent, repetitive, and Spirit-empowered.
The effects of disciplining as God commands are manifold. Biblically disciplined children develop Godly wisdom, which will enable them to avoid all manner of evil; there is hope that their souls will be saved; they will bring rest, blessing, and delight to us.
One key method that God commands is the rod (spanking). There are multiple methods of disciplining we should employ (such as rebuke), but if we love our children we must not neglect the rod.

The Lord’s commands to parents are clear. He has provided a model in how He cares for His people, and He has provided methods, the effects of which He has described.

The most important question for parents is whether we will obey.

II. Parenting 0–6 years old — Practical Points, Thoughts, and Observations

Caveat #1 — My assumptions:

The parents are believers and love the Lord.
The parents aren’t focused on making their children conform to their will.
The parents are seeking to be humble and filled with the Spirit, they are fighting to put their own sin to death, and their lives are increasingly characterized by love, as Jesus demonstrated it and as Paul described it (in I Cor. 13).

Caveat #2 — Parents need wisdom and discernment.

You must be wise in how you apply advice in your specific circumstances. Ask God for wisdom because He gives generously (James 1:5). “To the pure all things are pure,” Paul wrote to Titus. Some of these points, if taken out of context or misapplied or overapplied, may not be helpful but harmful.

Enjoy your child!

In the daily work of caring for your children’s physical needs, you can lose sight of the wonder and joy of this person that God made.
Ask God to give you His affection, especially when you’re tired. Remember Jesus’ love for the little children. Children are a blessing! (Psalm 127:3–5)
Practical ways to not lose the joy of this person’s being:
- Look them in the eyes, especially when they are speaking.
- Smile often at your child. Be gentle, not harsh.
- Seek opportunities to laugh together.
- Observe together. Go outside and point at the sky and talk about the clouds or feel the wind or the warmth of the sun. Talk about what your senses are feeling and ask what they are feeling or seeing.
Foundations — Especially during these early years, you are your child’s hero. You are the greatest person they know and their model for everything, including God. Don’t miss opportunities to express your joy in them.
A disciplined child is a happy and enjoyable child. And love and affection flow naturally from a child who is loved and taught to obey and respect their parents.

Be proactive, not reactive.

Consider: If you want a two-year-old, or a six-year-old, or a teenager, who is happy and who listens, ask yourself “What must I do to accomplish this?”
As with other areas of responsibility (like our money), intentional engagement is necessary.
Be willing to be different if you want different results.
Example #1 — Scheduling is a key way to be intentional. Young children do best with a simple, regular routine. But this may constrain the parents from what they want to do and when. They must “die to self.”
Example #2 — Make time for what is truly good for your kids.
- “Play is the work of children.” Young children need lots of imaginative play, especially outside, and sometimes alone. It is how they learn to interact with the world and others.
- Tablets and screens are absolutely detrimental, regardless of the content. The younger the child, the greater the harm. This is incontrovertible.
- In contrast, reading good books aloud is absolutely beneficial. The more you do this, the greater the impact. But this takes time and a slow enough rhythm to your life.
Example #3 — Recognize how your children are being influenced and be with them.
- Consider how children’s brains develop, which is incredible. Even the youngest child (even in the womb) is constantly learning through their interactions. A parent’s role is to help form their loves. (Helpful: “You Are What You Love” by James K.A. Smith.) How we live, speak, sing, work, love our spouses—all affect our children.
- Much time is required for proper child training, perhaps more than we want to give. This requires choices with respect to lifestyle, finances, and employment. There are those who would say “I would do anything for my child” but don’t want to be home all day to care for and train them.
- A foundation is being laid in your child’s heart and mind when they are young. Whoever is most with your small child is most influencing him or her.
Example #4 — Without overdoing it, you will need to prepare your child to start schoolwork at the latter part of this age range. This will take initiative and effort.

Every child is the same; every child is different.

There are universal truths about every child:
- Image-bearer — an eternal being made in God’s image
- Fallen — with a nature corrupted by sin and needing grace (don’t be surprised by sin!)
- Created intentionally and for a purpose —
  - Each child is unique and special.
  - God has made an incredible range of abilities, strengths, weaknesses, challenges, including prodigies, “normal” kids, and those with disabilities.
  - God makes no mistakes. These differences are intended by God, to the praise of His glory and for the good of this kid, as well as for us who know him or her.[3]
  - This is not how the world teaches us to see one another. We need God to change our hearts and how we see others and His purposes. And we must reject the lies of the enemy that cause us to doubt God’s love.
- The particular nature of each child and your specific family circumstances require wisdom from God to know how to pray for, love, and teach well:
  - How has God made this child?
  - What does this child understand? (How can I tell?)
  - What is just to expect?
  - How do I teach this child to obey for their good and God’s glory?
- We must fight the temptation to confuse universals and particulars. For example, it’s common to hear someone excuse their lack of diligence with the excuse “My child is more strong-willed.”

Teaching your children to obey is the most important goal of the 0–6 years age group.

The origin of the word “obey” seems to go back to Latin roots for “toward, in the direction of” and “to hear.” Hence, the phrase “To hear is to obey.” James’ letter also connects “hearing” with “doing.”
Foundations — Learning obedience of parents reinforces obedience of God.
Obedience has three inseparable components: immediate (“delayed obedience is disobedience”), complete, and joyful.
Teaching obedience should be focused on the heart, not mere behavior modification. Remember Jesus’ words: “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45)
Keys for younger children (0–4 years old):
- They need lots of grace! Little kids make lots of mistakes.
- Keep commands short and simple: “Come.” “Sit.” Instructions can grow more complex as the child gets older.
- Once you’re sure the child understands the command, a quick pop or swat for disobedience is appropriate. Then, try the command again.
- Practice child training at home.
- Repetition, repetition, repetition.
Practical way to teach obedience #1 — When you’re changing an 8-month-old’s diaper, it’s a great time to teach him or her what “Be still” means.
Practical way to teach obedience #2 — Hold out your hands to your toddler, smile, and say “Come.”
Practical way to teach obedience #3 — Walk around the house with your child holding your hand. A toddler can understand “Hold my hand.”
Practical way to teach obedience #4 — Have your toddler sit still on your lap while you read aloud.
Practical way to teach obedience #5 — Instead of moving away a plastic cup or some other object your child wants, when your child reaches for it firmly say “No.”
Practical way to teach obedience #6 — Require your child to (almost always) eat the food served to them. We have found (like our parents) that mealtime at home is an excellent opportunity to teach obedience. All kids have foods they dislike, but we don’t allow our children to be picky, so they aren’t. Remember the Bible’s example of picky eaters, the wandering, complaining, ungrateful Israelites, and don’t allow that of your children.

Expect more.

Beware “the tyranny of low expectations.”
How to know what to expect:
- Not according to the culture, which is often embarrassingly low or unattainably high.
- Not according to the internet “experts.”
- The Bible — Require obedience to and as the Bible commands. For example, do you require respect from your children, as the Bible commands? Requiring respect must not be about ego but because of what God has said.
- The past — What was expected in prior generations? Old books (over 60 years old) reveal high expectations for children. You’ll see this in “The Little House on the Prairie” series, the “Little Britches” series, and elsewhere.
- Other Christians — Learn from others. Especially when you see good fruit in the lives of other believers, study it and ask why.
You must first patiently teach what you will expect.
Example #1 — Obedience when you speak
- The “One Time” rule — At an age-appropriate level, expect obedience (immediate, complete, and joyful) without repeating yourself.
- A dog can be taught to “come” or “sit”; have you taught your child?
- Here is a goal to which we should aspire and work towards: at 2–3 years old, you are able to control your child by your calm voice alone. Most children, when they learn to walk, can learn to cheerfully come upon command. Fundamentally, this is a protection for them. If your child is running to danger, would they stop if you called? Or would they keep running? Understand this: a child that runs away is showing that they don’t respect, or properly fear, your authority.
Example #2 — Scripture memorization
- Foundations — If you take the time, you will give them a deposit of Scripture or theology that will shape and help them for life.
- Children’s memories are incredible at young ages. We try to be regular, but we’re not regimented, and it amazes us what the kids retain.
Example #3 — Teaching how to work
- Learning how to work starts at this age. You can teach a 2-year-old how to pick up their toys.
- Include your child in the family economy. This communicates respect, appreciation, and belonging to the child.
- They best learn how to work by working with you. You’ll be able to show them how to do a good job, how to be cheerful and enjoy working together, and so forth.
- It takes effort on the front-end to invest in this training, but it’s worth it. “Inspect what you expect.” At an age-appropriate level, require your child to redo the job if not done well the first time.
Your goal should be to have high, but fair, expectations. (Emily and I help each other here.)

Explain less.

Too much explaining in the 0–6 years age range is a subtle trap.
- We can feel compelled to explain why we want our kids to obey. This can happen when we lack confidence in our delegated authority.
- We can slip into convincing our children to obey because we haven’t been diligent to discipline when there is disobedience.
When the number of words increases when we want our children to obey, Emily and I have come to see this as a key indicator that we haven’t been diligently disciplining for disobedience.
Understanding “why” is not a prerequisite for obedience! Remember: God doesn’t usually explain the “why” of His commands, but we must trust and obey Him.
- Consider God’s command to Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on a mountain that was a three-day journey away. Isaac was the promised son, Abraham’s beloved son. God did not explain why He commanded Abraham to do this. Abraham didn’t know how it was going to work out, but he had learned to trust his Heavenly Father, so he obeyed.
This is not to say that we don’t explain our purposes to our kids. Of course we do, but at age-appropriate times and in age-appropriate ways. And more as they get older.
Very young children do not need choices. At 0–4 years old, kids don’t do well with many choices. While we want to eventually teach our children how to choose wisely, choices for very young children can be confusing and fear-inducing. Instead, be in charge and reassure them that they can trust you.

Use the tools (methods) God has given.

Spanking — Misunderstood and unpopular, God has ordained an amazing teaching connection between pain and obedience.
- Stating the obvious #1 — Spanking should be painful but not harmful.
- Stating the obvious #2 — Not in anger. First, get control of yourself. Are you displaying the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22–23)?
- Stating the obvious #3 — Spanking should be age-appropriate.
  - For 0–4 years old, a quick swat or two should suffice.
  - For slightly older kids, several licks may be necessary. Also, it is often good to have some discussion to encourage understanding and repentance. Most often, I’ll include a hug afterwards and a short prayer together. It may also be right to require the child to apologize to the offended party (“Mom, I’m sorry for disobeying you.”)
- Stating the obvious #4 — We all need wisdom and discernment (James 1:5).
  - Almost all kids need at least some spanking, but some need it more than others.
  - Some disobedience is willful; other disobedience is negligent. Both are disobedience, but how you address them should vary. Your focus is your child’s heart.
  - A child may need a hug or a conversation and not a spanking. How will you know without the Spirit’s leading?
- Spanking is one necessary training tool among many. Consider Deuteronomy 6 and how teaching is intended to be a part of every aspect of a parent’s life. In conversation, when working together, when riding in the car—all are opportunities to teach God’s ways and His goodness.
  - Example — We must teach the range of good physical interactions. From gentle hugs to rough-housing, all are important for a child’s development.

Use the opportunities God provides.

Consider Deuteronomy 6 again — Do you look for opportunities to teach obedience, especially to your small child?
Planned opportunities — Pick the battle, then win the battle.
- The examples mentioned above assume you’re dealing with a child younger than 4 or 5 years old. As children get older, if these opportunities were missed, you’ll have to get creative in looking for others to teach obedience. God will provide them! And then you must pray for the wisdom, courage, and stamina that the Spirit gives to win the battle and teach your child to obey.
Surprise opportunities — Sometimes a child disobeys at an inconvenient and embarrassing time. Have a long-range view, and don’t shrink back from doing what is needful.

The strenuous work of parenting young children, like all good work, requires reliance upon God.

Parents can be especially tempted to fear when their children are very young. Faith in God’s loving care is what we need instead.
Parents of young children face a great danger in the temptation to be slothful.
- Sloth causes us to shrink back from diligently disciplining our children. (Proverbs. 13:24)
- Sloth leads us to being distracted by our smartphones and tablets and computers. This is a major problem today. We must not be distracted and, in so doing, communicate to our children that they are unimportant.
Galatians 6:9 says “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Most of the parenting task is unseen by other people, yet God does use our actions and words. See the glory of the service!
“You can’t ruin a kid in a day.” We all make mistakes, yet if you are seeking to obey God, He will keep you from making fatal errors.
“It is never too late to love.” We are always in a state of learning what we didn’t know before. Don’t be discouraged but love your child where you both are.
We must pray first, last, and often. God alone changes hearts, and God loves your child more than you do. Ultimately, our hope is not in parenting skill or hard work but in His love and grace.

Our overarching purpose in parenting: that more would “glorify God and enjoy Him forever.”

We teach our children for their good:
- That they might love and obey God . . . so they know God as their Heavenly Father and are known by Him . . . we desire their salvation and eternal life.
- That they would experience the blessings of obedience to God in their own relationships and throughout their lives, whatever they do and wherever they go.
Our own obedience in training our children is personally sanctifying. We see our own sin and need for God, and our love for God increases.
Our obedience, and our children’s, is a blessing to others in our extended families, in the church, to those in the world we encounter.
Our obedience, and our children’s, displays the rightness of God’s ways, like the Law given to the people of Israel was intended to do. We proclaim through our families the glory of the gospel, which is a prophetic and evangelistic witness.

Conclusion

This is a glorious and joyous calling! Let us diligently love our children and use their early years to lay a foundation for an eternity of enjoying God.

Questions?

Scriptures about the Lord’s discipline

Leviticus 26:18–19

Deuteronomy 4:36

Out of heaven he let you hear his voice, that he might discipline you. And on earth he let you see his great fire, and you heard his words out of the midst of the fire.

Deuteronomy 8:5

Know then in your heart that, as a man disciplines his son, the Lord your God disciplines you.

Deuteronomy 11:2

And consider today (since I am not speaking to your children who have not known or seen it), consider the discipline of the Lord your God, his greatness, his mighty hand and his outstretched arm,

Job 5:17

Behold, blessed is the one whom God reproves; therefore despise not the discipline of the Almighty.

Psalm 23:4

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Psalm 94:12-15

¹²Blessed is the man whom you discipline, O Lord, and whom you teach out of your law,
¹³to give him rest from days of trouble, until a pit is dug for the wicked.
¹⁴For the Lord will not forsake his people; he will not abandon his heritage;
¹⁵for justice will return to the righteous, and all the upright in heart will follow it.

Psalm 118:18

The Lord has disciplined me severely, but he has not given me over to death.

Proverbs 3:11–12

¹¹My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of his reproof,
¹²for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.

Proverbs 6:20–24

²⁰My son, keep your father's commandment, and forsake not your mother's teaching.
²¹Bind them on your heart always; tie them around your neck.
²²When you walk, they will lead you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk with you.
²³For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light, and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life,
²⁴to preserve you from the evil woman, from the smooth tongue of the adulteress.

Proverbs 12:1

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.

Proverbs 15:10

There is severe discipline for him who forsakes the way; whoever hates reproof will die.

Isaiah 26:16

O Lord, in distress they sought you; they poured out a whispered prayer when your discipline was upon them.

Jeremiah 7:28

And you shall say to them, ‘This is the nation that did not obey the voice of the Lord their God, and did not accept discipline; truth has perished; it is cut off from their lips.’

Jeremiah 30:11

For I am with you to save you, declares the Lord; I will make a full end of all the nations among whom I scattered you, but of you I will not make a full end. I will discipline you in just measure, and I will by no means leave you unpunished.

Jeremiah 31:18

I have heard Ephraim grieving, ‘You have disciplined me, and I was disciplined, like an untrained calf; bring me back that I may be restored, for you are the Lord my God.’

Hosea 10:9–10

⁹From the days of Gibeah, you have sinned, O Israel; there they have continued. Shall not the war against the unjust overtake them in Gibeah?
¹⁰When I please, I will discipline them, and nations shall be gathered against them when they are bound up for their double iniquity.

1 Corinthians 11:31–32

³¹But if we judged ourselves truly, we would not be judged.

³²But when we are judged by the Lord, we are disciplined so that we may not be condemned along with the world.

I Timothy 1:18–20

¹⁸This charge I entrust to you, Timothy, my child, in accordance with the prophecies previously made about you, that by them you may wage the good warfare, ¹⁹holding faith and a good conscience. By rejecting this, some have made shipwreck of their faith, ²⁰among whom are Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have handed over to Satan that they may learn not to blaspheme.

Titus 2:11–12

¹For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, ¹²training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, . . .

Hebrews 12:3–11

³Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. ⁴In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. ⁵And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?

“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
nor be weary when reproved by him.
⁶For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and chastises every son whom he receives.”

⁷It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? ⁸If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. ⁹Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? ¹⁰For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. ¹¹For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Revelation 3:19

¹⁹Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent.

Scriptures about parental authority

Exodus 20:12

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.”

Exodus 21:15

“Whoever strikes his father or his mother shall be put to death.”

Exodus 21:17

“Whoever curses [dishonors, reviles] his father or his mother shall be put to death.”

Leviticus 19:2–4

²“Speak to all the congregation of the people of Israel and say to them, You shall be holy, for I the Lord your God am holy. ³Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father, and you shall keep my Sabbaths: I am the Lord your God. ⁴Do not turn to idols or make for yourselves any gods of cast metal: I am the Lord your God.”

Leviticus 20:6–9

⁶“If a person turns to mediums and necromancers, whoring after them, I will set my face against that person and will cut him off from among his people. ⁷Consecrate yourselves, therefore, and be holy, for I am the Lord your God. ⁸Keep my statutes and do them; I am the Lord who sanctifies you. ⁹For anyone who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death; he has cursed his father or his mother; his blood is upon him.”

Deuteronomy 5:16

¹⁶“‘Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.’”

Deuteronomy 21:18–21

¹⁸“If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and, though they discipline him, will not listen to them, ¹⁹then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gate of the place where he lives, ²⁰and they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This our son is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ ²¹Then all the men of the city shall stone him to death with stones. So you shall purge the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

Deuteronomy 27:16

“‘Cursed be anyone who dishonors his father or his mother.’ And all the people shall say, ‘Amen.’”

Proverbs 1:7–9

⁷The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.

⁸Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching,
⁹for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.

Proverbs 10:1

A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother.

Proverbs 15:20

A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish man despises his mother.

Proverbs 19:26

He who does violence to his father and chases away his mother is a son who brings shame and reproach.

Proverbs 20:20

If one curses his father or his mother, his lamp will be put out in utter darkness.

Proverbs 23:22–25

²²Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.
²³Buy truth, and do not sell it; buy wisdom, instruction, and understanding.
²⁴The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice; he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him.
²⁵Let your father and mother be glad; let her who bore you rejoice

Proverbs 28:24

Whoever robs his father or his mother and says, “That is no transgression,” is a companion to a man who destroys.

Proverbs 30:17

The eye that mocks a father and scorns to obey a mother will be picked out by the ravens of the valley and eaten by the vultures.

Matthew 15:3–6

³Jesus replied, “And why do you break the command of God for the sake of your tradition? ⁴For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother’ and ‘Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death.’⁵But you say that if anyone declares that what might have been used to help their father or mother is ‘devoted to God,’ ⁶they are not to ‘honor their father or mother’ with it. Thus you nullify the word of God for the sake of your tradition.

Matthew 19:16–19

¹⁶Just then a man came up to Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?”

¹⁷“Why do you ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.”

¹⁸“Which ones?” he inquired.

Jesus replied, “‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, ¹⁹honor your father and mother,’^[^c^] and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’”

Mark 7:9–13

⁹And he continued, “You have a fine way of setting aside the commands of God in order to observe your own traditions! ¹⁰For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and mother,’^[^d^] and, ‘Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death.’¹¹But you say that if anyone declares that what might have been used to help their father or mother is Corban (that is, devoted to God)— ¹²then you no longer let them do anything for their father or mother. ¹³Thus you nullify the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down. And you do many things like that.”

Mark 10:17–19

¹⁷As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. “Good teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

¹⁸“Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone. ¹⁹You know the commandments: ‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, you shall not defraud, honor your father and mother.’”

Luke 2:51

And he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them. And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart.

Luke 18:18–20

¹⁸A certain ruler asked him, “Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

¹⁹“Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone. ²⁰You know the commandments: ‘You shall not commit adultery, you shall not murder, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, honor your father and mother.’”

Ephesians 6:1–3

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ²“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— ³“so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

I Timothy 3:4–5

⁴He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, ⁵for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church?

Titus 1:6

⁶ . . . if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers [faithful] and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination.

[1] Such blessings and punishment should inform our thinking. The Lord is righteous, holy, omnipotent, good, and loving. Psalm 145:8–9 says: “The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made.” Thus, His commands and His punishments should strike us as good and right and just. If we think the Law was too harsh (such as applying capital punishment to persistently rebellious sons), the problem is with us, not God or His commands.

[2] Consider a few examples from one Biblical period: Deuteronomy 6, where Moses mentions teaching children three times (vv. 1–2, 7, 20–25); Deuteronomy 11, which mirrors Leviticus 26 in describing the Lord’s blessings for obedience but also includes the instructions from Deuteronomy 6 about teaching one’s children (vv. 18–20); Deuteronomy 27, which commands written memorial stones on Mount Gerizim and Mount Ebal; Joshua 4 (memorial stones out of the Jordan River); Joshua 22 (the eastern tribes’ altar of witness).

[3] Consider Paul’s teaching about the Body of Christ in I Corinthians 12.

April 2, 2023