Discipling the Nations by Discipling Your Children
Matt 28:16–20 – As You Go, Make Disciples – Daniel J. Baker – Aug 13, 2025

Introduction

In our first evening together we learned about Ivan and Doris Schoen and their work in Suriname (TWR movie Lifted).

• A marvelous and inspiring story of sacrifice to see a people brought to Christ.
• But that required years of learning, relationship building, sacrifice.

There’s something about that story that is a lot like parenting.

• Learning their language
• Living amongst them
• Finding ways to communicate so they’ll understand
• The sheer amount of time
• It’s what you say with your mouth as what you say with your life.

I know at times my dad looked at my brother and me like I bet Ivan Schoen looked at the tribesmen. Head tilted: “What?”

I don’t have a lot of memories of his advice. He didn’t have too many “sayings” I remember. But his life is a permanent stamp on me and my brother. Something about his life and his subtler reminders told us: Work hard at your job. Take care of your family. Appreciate what you have. Don’t be a snob.

Tonight we want to think about parenting as disciple-making. The calling of parents to help shape their children into what God wants them to be.

I. The Call to Disciple-Making

Our calling from Matthew 28:16–20 informs our parenting.

Who is commanding: The Christ with ALL authority

What is he commanding: Calling us to make disciples of ALL nations. Remember Mark Dever’s definition of discipleship: “Helping another person to follow Jesus.”

How: baptizing them, teaching them to observe ALL that he commanded

Not just a couple important commands. A couple key ideas about God. But “ALL that I have commanded you.”

A commission that will take a lifetime.

But it’s not just about CONTENT, because the goal is not to just retain facts but to “OBSERVE” or OBEY what he commanded.

That’s why a PARENT is perfectly positioned to disciple a child. Your example, your teaching, your relationship, your affection, all of that will shape your child.

Last week Mike reminded us of the power of our example. He quoted Philippians 4:9:

What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. (Phil 4:9)

But the truth is, this WILL happen between a parent and child. We can’t help it.

We can paraphrase Philippians:

What your children have learned and received and heard and seen in you—they will practice these things, so may the God of peace be with you—and them!

This is sobering, isn’t it? What have they “seen in you”?

• That God is important?
• That church is important?
• That God’s people are important?
• That God’s Word is important?
• Your family is important?

Christ promises us that he is with us throughout ALL the days.

It’s helpful to see the sheer scope of the Great Commission. “ALL that I have commanded you....I am with you ALL of the days.”

This is the job of a lifetime, not a few months or years.

Joel Beeke’s encouragement from Matt. 28:20:

Remember that the essence of parenting is to make disciples, and the One with all authority in heaven and on earth said, “I am with you.” So let me remind you, men, that if you become discouraged in trying to lead your family in discipleship, the Lord Christ says to you, “I am with you always, even unto the end of the earth” (Matt 28:20).
Joel R. Beeke, How to Lead Your Family[1]

II. The Goal of Our Disciple-Making

Another way to think of the goal of our disciple-making:

The goal of discipling our children: To help your child become what God wants him/her to be.

Becoming what God wants him to be will include what God has MADE them to be.

God as Creator and God’s Providence have enormous impact on our children. We are helping them to live and think well, but who they are is massively influenced by God as Creator and his Providence.

So many things are true objectively and immovably:

• DNA – God’s hard-wiring of so much that’s true - Blonde, red, or black hair? Dark skin or light? 6’4” or 4’6”?
• Personality – Great emotional intelligence, or not so great
• Preferences – Sweet or salty?
• Aptitudes – Calculus or gardening or hunting?
• Spiritual gifts – Compassion or teaching?
• Place in the family – 1^st of 2; or 7^th of 12?
• Year and location of their birth

We disciple our children with all this in mind. We want to be aware of the massive and God-given uniqueness that is true and almost beyond comprehension.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. (Ps 139:13)

But then our disciple-making is also helping them to become what God wants them to be: teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.

This sounds very close to Ephesians 6:4, doesn’t it?

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Eph 6:4)

“The discipline and instruction of the Lord” is pretty synonymous with “teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.”

“Discipline”: Discipline is when we bring negative consequences. “The rod of discipline” when they’re young (Prov 13:24), verbal rebukes, negative consequences.

But discipline can also be about giving our children good and healthy and true CHALLENGES. Things that are hard and where failure is a real possibility.

Competitive sports; advanced classes; robotics; musical competitions

Treating siblings well

Demand that they honor and obey parents and other authorities

“The Instruction of the Lord” – Individual, family, church

• Personal Time with the Lord from as young as possible
• Family Times of Instruction – Bible, Christian books, Christian biographies, Trinity Catechism, Trinity Confession of Faith, see resources at the end of the outline
• Church – Make it a permanent and unbreakable habit in your family routine. Sunday mornings, home groups, youth ministries.

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger” – By unreasonable demands, by riding our children too hard, by making “disapproval” the continued emotion you present. Get help with your anger, if you need it!

III. The Many-Sidedness of Our Disciple-Making

The goal is to help our child become what God wants them to be. There is a many-sidedness to this.

It’s far more than Bible time in the morning or going to church on Sunday—though it includes these!

Our own story involved:

• Our personal work of discipling
• All of you for the last 26 years
• Grandparents, aunts and uncles: They reinforced that God, the Church, his Word are important
• Friends, coaches, books, movies
• As well as broken bones, mysterious sicknesses, funerals and weddings.

Herman Bavinck talked about the power of the nurture in the family. It is a place to nurture a person unlike any other.

He captured the comprehensiveness well:

No school, no boarding school, no day-care center, no government institution can replace or improve upon the family. The children come from the family, grow up in the family, without themselves knowing how. They are formed and raised without themselves being able to account for that. The nurture provided by the family is entirely different than that provided by the school; it is not bound to a schedule of tasks and does not apportion its benefits in terms of minutes and hours. It consists not only in instruction, but also in advice and warning, leading and admonition, encouragement and comfort, solicitude and sharing. Everything in the home contributes to nurture—the hand of the father, the voice of the mother, the older brother, the younger sister, the infant in the bassinet, the sickly sibling, grandmother and grandchildren, uncles and aunts, guests and friends, prosperity and adversity, celebrations and mourning, Sundays and workdays, prayers and thanksgiving at mealtime and the reading of God’s Word, morning devotions and evening devotions. Everything is serviceable for nurturing each other day by day, hour by hour, without plan, without appointment, without technique, all of which are set beforehand. Everything possesses power to nurture, apart from being able to analyze and calculate that power. Thousands of incidents, thousands of trivia, thousands of trifles all exert their influence. It is life itself that nurtures, that cultivates the rich, inexhaustible, multifaceted, magnificent life. The family is the school of life, because it is the fountain and hearth of life.
Herman Bavinck, The Christian Family[2]

A takeaway for us with this point is to think about the overall life you are giving to your children. Is it shaping them to become what God wants them to be?

And also, it’s an invitation to seize the moments as they come:

• Births, death, marriages
• Someone leaves the church, someone joins the church

IV. Tricky Areas in Our Disciple-Making

• Adult Children

The fifth commandment to “honor your father and your mother” (Exod 20:12) has no age limit. It is a lifelong obligation. Just like we are to “honor the king” (1 Peter 2:17), so we are to “honor our father and mother.”

But the commands to “obey your parents” (Eph 6:1; Col 3:20) are addressed specifically to “children.” A clue that “children” in these verses means “young children” and not “sons and daughters of any age” is Ephesians 6:4, which tells fathers to “bring up your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” It is a command that emphasizes bringing them up from birth and the youngest ages. It isn’t speaking to how we might address an adult son or adult daughter. We don’t “bring up” our 25-year old children.

Some have seen in verses like this one a pattern for obedience of grown women until they leave our homes:

“If a woman vows a vow to the LORD and binds herself by a pledge, while within her father’s house in her youth, ⁴ and her father hears of her vow and of her pledge by which she has bound herself and says nothing to her, then all her vows shall stand, and every pledge by which she has bound herself shall stand.” (Num 30:3–4)

But note the two qualifications here: “within her father’s house” and “in her youth.” “In her youth” is related to her being “unmarried,” but it’s not as simple as she’s “unmarried.”

Passages like these seem directed toward minors in the home and not grown children who are now very mature adults.

The elders of Cornerstone believe that obedience with the expectation of living in the home is a given until a child is an adult in our culture (basically, 18 years old). After that, wisdom and circumstances factor into whether a child is in the home or not. Their call to honor and obey is now replaced by the lifelong call to honor parents.

• Siblings – Siblings are actually people! Learn to show kindness and respect to siblings.
• Friendships – Take the long view of friendships. They take a lot of work. Not every friend is a good friend. Learn to be a good friend.
• Technology – Keep devices as public as possible for as long as possible.
• Romance – Ideally, wait till marriage is an option.
• Educational Goals – Help your children to love books. Help them become as educated as possible—knowing what you know of them.
• Career Goals – No, they’re really not going to become professional athletes or Ninja warriors. Really. Help them know who they are, where they’re gifted, how that can become a career. Prepare a boy to support a family. Prepare a girl to support herself.
• Conversion – Teach the fundamentals in a variety of ways from birth. And then continue to go over them as you can. Talk about baptisms and share your testimony.

Conclusion

The Schoen family got to see something of the end of their labors: Two converted tribes and a Bible in their language. It took decades of patient, intentional work. But what a harvest!

For us as parents, we need to have that same kind of mentality. It’s going to take decades. Be patient and intentional. And what a harvest it can be!

Bavinck in his chapter on nurturing makes the observation: “Nurture is not omnipotent” (103). We can’t control the response of our children. All we can do is control what we say and do. And even that’s hard!!

So, we pray! We “pray without ceasing” (1 Thess 5:17).

And we call upon God’s grace to save and sanctify and sustain our children. It is grace and grace alone that saves. Grace that brings change. Grace that sustains us to the end.

When in doubt, encourage and love your child!

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Cor 13:7)

That is a parent slogan if ever there was one. We need that kind of love for our children!

*See the Resources below

 

 

Resources to Consider

 

For You

Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp

Equipping for Life: A Guide for New, Aspiring & Struggling Parents by Andreas and Margaret Köstenberger

Parenting Essentials: Equipping Your Children for Life by Andreas and Margaret Köstenberger

The Trinity Catechism and The Trinity Confession of Faith

Parenting by Paul Tripp

Between Us Guys: Life-Changing Conversations for Dads and Sons by Joel Fitzpatrick

Between Us Girls: Walks and Talks for Moms and Daughters by Trish Donahue

The Manhood Journey by Kent Evans

Age of Opportunity by Paul Tripp

What is a Family? By Edith Schaeffer

The Shaping of a Christian Family by Elisabeth Elliott

The Masculine Mandate by Rick Phillips

The Trinity Hymnal (classic hymns, creeds, confessions)

The Disciple-Making Parent: A Comprehensive Guidebook for Raising Your Children to Love and Follow Jesus Christ by Chap Bettis

Systematic Theology by Wayne Grudem or Louis Berkhof. Berkhof’s is available for free online. He’s an excellent Presbyterian theologian. Grudem is a Reformed Baptist Continuationist.

Seeking God Daily by Daniel Baker (https://www.amazon.com/Seeking-God-Daily-Devotional-Guide/dp/1463578830?ref_=ast_author_dp)

Believe and Be Baptized by Daniel Baker (https://www.amazon.com/Believe-Be-Baptized-Baptism-Considering/dp/1456587846?ref_=ast_author_dp)

For Your Child

Thoughts for Young Men by J.C. Ryle

Habits of Grace by David Matthis

The Lord’s Prayer by Kevin DeYoung

The Children’s Catechism (https://reformed.org/historic-confessions/the-childrens-catechism/)

The Trinity Catechism and The Trinity Confession of Faith

Topical Memory System by Navigators (good life verses to memorize)

Big Truths for Little Kids: Teaching Your Children to Live for God, Susan and Richie Hunt

Disciplines of a Godly Young Man, Kent Hughes & Cary Hughes

Growing in Godliness: A Teen Girl's Guide to Maturing in Christ, Lindsey Carlson Biographies: The Hiding Place (Corrie ten Boom), A Chance to Die (Amy Carmichael), For the Glory (Eric Liddell), Soul Surfer (Bethany Hamilton)

The Fruitful Life (Fruit of the Spirit) and Discipline of Grace by Jerry Bridges (Bridges in general an excellent author for teens)

Essential Truths of the Christian Faith, The Holiness of God, Chosen by God by R.C. Sproul

The Priest with Dirty Clothes by R.C. Sproul

Christian Beliefs: Twenty Basics Every Christian Should Know by Wayne Grudem (see also his Bible Doctrine and even longer Systematic Theology)

The Lord of the Rings (Tolkien)

The Chronicles of Narnia (CS Lewis)

Morning and Evening, Charles Spurgeon

The Ology by Marty Machowski

One Wintry Night by Ruth Bell Graham

[1] Joel R. Beeke, How to Lead Your Family (Grand Rapids, MI: Reformation Heritage, 2025), 66–67.

[2] Herman Bavinck, The Christian Family, trans. Nelson D. Kloosterman (Grand Rapids, MI: Christian’s Library, 2012), 107.